Be You

No dream is too big to dream, but few will come to fruition if you don’t put in the work to get there.

When I was younger the word “idealist” was a bad word. It was as though if you had a dream for a better world, either for yourself or for others, you were categorized as aloof or “with your head in the clouds.” But hope is real. Hoping for something is a soul connection to self and dreaming is the abstract first step on the journey towards wanting something for your life.

Hope became important to me during depression. After a string of traumatic events I entered a hopeless place without knowing it. Regular every day things that most people take for granted were hard to do and slowly I felt like I was vegetating. It wasn’t until one day when the concept of hope entered my mind that things began to change for the better. In my mind I saw a dark room with a sliver of light and thought about the possibilities of that light. Eventually that hope evolved into dreaming; imagining nurturing my creative outlets, and then actually following through with it.

Part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is figuring out who you are. What is your identity? For some people this is a difficult subject. And your identity can change as time goes on, since we identify as different things throughout our lives.

I didn’t know that I wanted to write professionally or be an artist until my 20’s. Prior to that I was on the track for medical school. Simply put, I wanted to heal people and I believed up until 19 that was the best way for me to do it.  But something changed around that time.

There was a pivotal moment where I was in my ex-boyfriend’s kitchen, and I told him straight up “I don’t think I want to go to med school anymore.” This was important to him. He was so excited at the prospect of me going to medical school that he actually told some people I was already a med student.

“Really,” he responded, “then what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “something with human rights.”

He paused, looked at me blankly and finally replied “be a doctor.”

I didn’t end up going to med school and as you can imagine we eventually broke up for good.

That moment always reminds me of when it was real. From the age of 5 or 6 I was on a track with a certain destination in mind and I never imagined I wouldn’t get there…especially because I one day wouldn’t want to anymore.

But you have to listen to yourself. I followed my intuition and completed a Master’s in Human Rights. After graduation I threw myself into writing and eventually received offers, signed contracts and began writing for different outlets. In the process I began to nurture my original love for singing which evolved into rapping and I released studio quality music online. My most popular song just hit over 1,000 listens on SoundCloud and to me that is something. There was a time when I thought I would never record in a studio and no one would hear my music but, I overcame those doubts and made it happen. Also, I had always loved to paint but could never figure out my own style. I nurtured that skill too and over time I have achieved a level where I am finally comfortable to sell my art. It’s a process.

I don’t know what the future has in store, but I know this: from a soul perspective, I have to nurture my creative outlets. They hid deep inside of me for years and now that I know how important writing a song, holding a paintbrush, and typing manuscripts late into the night means to me, I can’t ignore that.

Dreams become reality with hard work, including work on your mentality. As I am writing this, I opened my Instagram and scrolled down to see Worldstar saying the same thing. The post reads: “You’ll go as far as you believe. There’s no limitation to what you can do, but there’s limitation to the negative thoughts you entertain.” and that’s EXACTLY what I mean. A positive mindset is important for mental health and pursuing a dream. What’s good for your mind is good for your life. Sometimes ridding yourself of negative thoughts takes practice but it’s worth it in the end.

Before hope re-entered my mind that day during depression, I had been immobilized for a bit over a year. It took another year of writing a book and working on it every day like it was my job to pull me out of that state entirely. Success is not always measured in dollar signs. Overcoming that time in my life is a success in my eyes and means I am ready for something more. I hoped that I would overcome depression, I dreamed of what I wanted to do, I made a plan to do it, and I followed through.

Maybe the next time someone asks me what my greatest accomplishment is I’ll say it was overcoming that depression in 2015 to embrace being myself.

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